Encouraging the Heart

We can help people head down favorably paths much further by walking alongside them and encouraging small positive steps than we can by criticizing them for not moving faster or sooner. We are all in different places along life’s path. Let’s be gentle and supportive of ourselves and others as we walk it together.

It’s a well-established psychological principle that if you punish certain behavior, all things being equal, you’ll end up with less of that behavior. The same is true of rewards. If you reward a certain behavior you’re likely to see more of that behavior. It’s one of the classic experiments with rats running in a maze. You can encourage repeat behavior by incentivizing that behavior. I know how much we all like to believe that modern humans are above our animal impulses, but the same fundamental reward system is activated in us though perhaps we use small amounts of money instead of food pellets as our rewards.

One interested finding about rewards and punishments that is no well established in the psychological community is that though both rewards and punishments influence behaviors, positive reinforcements are a lot stickier—last longer and diminish more slowly—than punishments.

This reminds me of a conference I attended several years ago. It was at the Washington D.C. Convention Center which is massive. And that’s a very good thing because the conference brought over 5,000 college-aged activities to advocate for climate change policy. Most of the keynote speakers focused on rallying the troops and inspiring us to keep up the fight. But I remember one in particular that took a very different approach. The speaker pounded the lectern for thirty minutes to drive home his belief that it was already too late to do anything and that although he encouraged people to do what they can do, it would never be enough.

Thankfully, there were many more inspiring speakers and overall, the experience was very motivating and fairly productive. But I’ve reflected back on that speaker particularly. The crowd’s energy completely changed while he was speaking. While other speakers had the crowd worked up to a point where they would probably do whatever the speaker asked of them, this speaker left the crowd feeling uncertain, scared, confused, and even a bit angry.

And I’ve seen similar approaches with several social movements since I attended the conference. Rather than celebrating small but significants steps in the right direction people new to certain ways of thinking of behaving or believing might take, some are critical of their not making bigger or faster steps.

Certainly there is a place for punishment and negative reinforcement. It’s not healthy to have zero expectations or accountability. But I’ve thought about how often I could have flipped a bit of criticism into an encouraging positive comment. How hungry I’ve been in my professional life, at certain points in my career, for a simple “great work” and a pat on the back. Many people are starving for positive reinforcement, so a little bit can go a long way and can do so much to motivate and encourage.

In my experience, we can help people head down favorably paths much further by walking alongside them and encouraging small positive steps than we can by criticizing them for not moving faster or sooner. We are all in different places along life’s path. Let’s be gentle and supportive of ourselves and others as we walk it together.