Here’s the Real Deal on New Year’s Resolutions
It’s so important to remember that goal setting is designed to help us live more fulfilled lives and not yet another thing that we feel like we ought to do because it’s something good people ought to do.
I remember one year growing up, my family and I participated in an activity where we wrote down a few New Year’s resolutions on small strips of paper. My Mom was encouraging us to set some goals geared around how we could treat each other better as a family. I can’t recall what exactly I wrote down, but we placed the strips of paper in a small wooden chest and we were all excited to see if we would accomplish those goals by the end of the next year when we would open the chest and review our goals. As I recall, we either lost the chest or had other plans for the New Year’s Eve celebrations so we didn’t review our goals.
It’s a time honored tradition and I don’t fault my Mom at all for organizing the goal setting activity this way at all. I’d imagine many of us can relate. This year we’ll lose those few extra pounds or finally take up the courage to ask for that raise or run that marathon. We tuck the slip of paper in a journal for safe keeping. And then, somehow in a miraculous feat of time warping, we realize that we only find that old scarp of paper with those hopeful aspirations at the close of yet another year.
I suppose there’s nothing really wrong with this if our goal is simply to identify some life goals we’d like to remember from time to time. But if we actually want to do the things we say we want to accomplish in the new year, I think there are some really simple ways that we could greatly improve the chances of getting things done rather than just wishing for them and then conveniently forgetting about them until the next year.
Good goals are always works in progress: The goals that I actually achieve are ones that I keep top of mind by identifying and working on tasks in small bites little by little day by day and week by week. It can be an overwhelming experience to think of all the work we have to put in to achieve our ultimate aims in big goals sometimes, but if we can break things down into more digestible chunks we can mark our progress which is motivating, we can adjust our micro goals for the day or week ahead based on current difficulties or opportunities, and we can avoid that sinking feeling that we’ll never achieve that massive goal because we’re only looking at the portion we are chipping away at right now.
Less is more: I used to set dozens of very detailed goals broken down into seven or so categories based on all the different facets of life from physical fitness to emotional wellness. There’s nothing wrong with being ambitious, but I’ve found that setting a few goals at a time works better than setting out to accomplish everything at once. Perhaps you could set monthly themed goals where you focus on one facet of life as a special emphasis or you could have a prioritized list of goals so that as you start accomplishing goals you know where to focus next.
Goals are made for us, not us made for goals: Growing up I was so guilty of setting the goals and using elaborate goal setting systems that I thought would impress others. And it worked. People were impressed, but just setting goals doesn’t help us become the people we want to become or help us feel one whit more fulfilled. That fulfillment comes from accomplishing worthwhile goals. It reminds me of a situation I remember reading about where a department at GM was underperforming, but managers didn’t know why. The employees were setting SMART—Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Relevant, and Time-Bound—goals so why weren’t they resulting in the desired outcomes? The reason, they found, was that the employees were setting the wrong SMART goals. If we spend twice as much time thinking about who we really want to be and what we want from life and half the time worrying about the word-smithing the goals so they sound impressive I think we’ll end up arriving and much more worthwhile goals for us to aspire to.
The start of the New Year can be a powerful time to reset, re-evaluate, and forgive ourselves. January 1 might be an arbitrary date on a calendar, but our brains definitely know the difference between January 1 and January 8. But some of the best ways of keeping our goals alive take more than just using the magic of a special day on a calendar. At the same time, how wonderful it can be to give ourselves grace when we don’t quite reach our high aspirations. Few things kills hope faster than getting after ourselves for not measuring up. It’s so important to remember that goal setting is designed to help us live more fulfilled lives and not yet another thing that we feel like we ought to do because it’s something good people ought to do.